The Power Of Keys

When I was a little girl, my parents would hand me their set of keys to keep me occupied. It worked. I developed quite a love of keys and would sit absorbed by them for minutes (ages in kid-time). However, my parents didn't foresee that I would use keys to get my way. At the age of four, I discovered that if an adult didn't have their keys, they could not leave. My aunt Marilyn was forced to dig around my parents' house on many occasions when I decided that she really should stay a little longer. Another discovery I made was that an adult's keys were best hidden in the purse of another adult. If the adult saw the keys in the purse, unless they looked closely, they would assume the keys belonged to the purse's owner. This kept the game in motion.


One day, my father stayed home from work to take me to a doctor's appointment. I didn't want to go and no amount of begging worked. When my mother set off for her job, I slipped his car keys in her purse and waved as she walked out the door. Later that day, my mother received a call from my exasperated father. "Look in your purse."



"What?" replied my mother.


"Just look in your purse."


"What are your car keys doing here?"


The nurse rescheduled my appointment. A successful delay, but not an overall achievement of objective. A new strategy would need to be employed.


When my parents moved from their home in Dearborn, my father left this note for the new owner:


Dear Purchaser:


The keys contained herein are almost completely lost-proof. But not quite. Certain precautions should be taken by the User to insure years of non-loss service.


The first measure taken to prevent loss is to put the keys in a drawer high above the reach of children, then forget where you put them. In this way, no fear of loss will ever be experienced.


Another guaranteed way to prevent loss is to put them in your "other" coat. When you need the keys to the car or house, you can say to your husband, "Let me use your keys, mine are in my Other Coat." They are not lost; you know exactly where they are. When your husband is not around and you go to the Other Coat to get your keys and you find that they are not there, you can say, "I know where I left them, in my "other" purse." The keys are still not lost because, of course, you know right where your Other Purse was left. After a thorough search of all four Other Purses and still there are no keys, they can usually be found at a glance on the outside of the door. Or, by looking at the lock on the car's truck.


If you have taken all of these precautions and still fear a loss, you may tie a tag to the keys which says, "If Found Return To" then put your home address, your work address, your mother's address, the LBJ Ranch in Texas, and the Taj Mahal. This way, dead or alive, your keys will be returned to you almost any place in the world.


Sincerely,


The Seller