Where's Bobby Gentry When You Need Her?

This article was first published in the September 5, 1990 issue of The Camden Chronicle. 

Just about the time I say to myself, "Self, I believe I've seen or heard about every dumb thing a bumbling politician or stupid, arrogant bureaucrat can do," one comes up with a new ineptness that baffles the mind.

Here in Michigan we are blessed with the normal amount of bumbling politicians but due to the wealth of the state and the high tax structure, we will put our number of over-bloated bureaucracies up against any state, with the possible exceptions of New York and Massachusetts.

Zilwaukee Bridge collapse, 1987

Some years ago, the Michigan Department of Transportation decided to build a bridge over a Big Sandy-sized river on Interstate 75, north of Detroit*. The span they designed and built would have crossed the Amazon at the river's widest point. The original cost estimate was amazing and the over-runs were atrocious. Before it was finished, a portion of the bridge fell delaying work for months and months. Meanwhile, three departments were pointing the finger at each other with none taking the blame. As usual, the taxpayer felt a mighty surge in his hip pocket.

Now, none of our state departments has committed a blunder that is funny, unless you are a fish. In this particular case, the cost to the taxpayer is low enough that we can laugh about it. The Michigan Department of Natural Resources was testing the effects of coal-fired power plants on the fish in the Muskegon River. The method they used was to put a poison called Rotenone in the water near the return point that the power plants used. Then they would count the number of dead fish that floated to the surface. Unfortunately, they let it get out of hand. The poison floated downstream three miles, merrily killing fish along its way. The department head, David Hales, immediately pleaded guilty.

"We broke the law," he said, "and we'll pay a penalty." He ordered his department to pay two $25,000 fines to the State's General Fund.

"We're no different than anyone else," said Mr. Hales. "We violated the law, so we have to pay."

This brings up two questions. First: When something is dead, can it be counted? Does Benton County count the people buried in Mt. Zion Cemetery in its census? And, if so, does Mary Parker count since she escaped**?

The second question is: since the Rotenone damage to sport fishing in the river is estimated at $100,000, why compound it by giving away $50,000? Why not use that money to repair the damage? Bureaucracies alone may not destroy the state of Michigan but Lordy, Lordy, they sure provide some comic relief.

Editor's Notes:
*   I believe Jim is referring to The Zilwaukee Bridge, located on I-75 over the Saginaw River. 
** For more information about the mystery of Mary Parker, click on the link above. 

And Bobby Gentry's song was one of Jim's favorites.